I went for a beautiful hike today. I hike with the Community Recreational Initiatives Society (CRIS for short). There was a nippy little breeze, but in among the trees it was just perfect. It was good to be out, to connect to the world of snow and not have it be an inconvenience, or something I had to work around. It was just part of the day, and it was perfect for snowballs, too. I'm glad I went, but I'm kind of shocked at how tired I was afterwards. We were out for a couple hours; not on terribly challenging trails, but by the time we were done all I wanted was a nap. I feel so convalescent, which isn't unreasonable, I suppose. I've only been out of the hospital for a week or so. I'm finding it difficult to balance the needs of my IBS with those of my diabetes, but I'm going to be seeing a dietitian to help with that. Tonight it's just a little hard to be sick again, still, whatever. I'm trying to remember that even sick I do things that are good.
One of the things I've learned from CRIS is that I'm much more interested in finding out what I can do than in enumerating the things I can't. So, apparently I can hike for 2 hours in the snow, as long as I plan a nap. Unfortunately, I have set myself a whole list of things I 'should' be doing, regardless of how I feel. This is unproductive, but I seem to do it pretty regularly anyway. My house feels grubby, and I still don't quite feel up to the task of getting it not-grubby. Is it okay for me to be a little afraid of how tired I am? I guess it'll have to be. I'm torn, you see, between feeling crappy and knowing that I tend to stagnate in the winter. I know I sometimes don't do stuff because my mood is down, and that leads to more not doing, which leads into the Pit of Despair. Push, don't push...I keep waiting for this to get simpler.
The simplest fact of my life is that it's mine, I guess. I'll just have to do what I can.
Yay for hiking!! I've been meaning to do the same and am inspired by you. How would delegation work in terms of some of the housework...I had to ask the obvious. And I know it all gets tricky and complicated when thinking about what to do and not do, especially when your mind is willing but your body is not at the same place. Take good care of yourself as much as you can, and I know it is so much easier said than done-try not to judge yourself. I'm glad your blogging:)!
ReplyDeleteDelegation. I'm not good at delegation, to tell the truth. I have trouble thinking that way. I can manage handing out tasks, but...I tend to think of housework as a process rather than as individual tasks. Does that make any sense? Maybe I'd be better at it if I thought of it as tasks, I don't know. I'm glad I'm blogging, too. It's helping keep me sane. I'm not doing so well with the not-judging part, but I try.
ReplyDeletesometimes in my world I find it helpful to break down possible areas of contribution into tasks:) This has a certain degree of success, not sure proof though...nope.
ReplyDelete